Positive Adoption Language/Phrases

Matthew and I are hoping for a semi-open adoption. This means that we will have some contact with the biological mother of our child---and stay in contact with her hopefully forever.  This is a "new" concept for most people and quite scary to some as well.  However, it is so much more healthy for the child and the biological mother to have contact.  The identity crisis' are alleviated, the mother knows her baby is being taken care of, and we have a source when questions arise of health issues/etc.

Also a "new concept" is Adoption Language.  Simple words have a huge impact on the life of an adopted child---below is an excerpt from Adoptive Families Magazine that is simple variations of phrases we may not realize we say and how we say them and the impact they have ......so here is a lesson in Adoption Language ......

The way we talk—and the words we choose—say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.


Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents," society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren’t real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles."


Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.


Positive Language  VS  Negative Language


Birthparent .........................................Real parent
Biological parent ..................................Natural parent
Birth child ..........................................Own child
My child ............................................Adopted child; Own child
Born to unmarried parents .......................Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights .........................Give up
Make an adoption plan............................ Give away
To parent ...........................................To keep
Waiting child....................................... Adoptable child; available child
Biological or birthfather........................... Real father

Making contact with................................ Reunion
Parent ................................................Adoptive parent
Adoption triad....................................... Adoption triangle
Child placed for adoption .........................An unwanted child
Was adopted........................................ Is adopted

it's starting to feel real!

During our first visit with Kim, our Case Worker, she suggested we start getting the nursery sort of ready---with at least the basics--and a car seat---because you never know when we are going to get "the call"--so we went out and purchased the car seat/stroller today!!! Looking has always been one thing---but we actually BOUGHT it this time!!!  I also recently re-finished a gorgeous almost antique dresser and painted it for the nursery to be also used as changing table.  I love the color called "sour lime".  Slowly, the guest bedroom is looking like a nursery.  It is slowly becoming real and less of something that will happen "one day". 

We had our first vist with both Matthew and I, Matthew also had his one-on-one. I still have my one-on-one and then she comes to our home for an inspection.  THEN we should be ready to be presented to mothers and the real nail biting begins!

Little Squirt and Big Squirt

My dad's been known as "Squirt" since at least High School-----Mindy sent this picture of a onesie that Jack has and can't wait to hand it down---I can't wait to get my dad a shirt saying "big Squirt" for the best Grandpa/Grandchild picture ever!

it's getting real now!

I received  a call yesterday from our SOCIAL WORKER!!!!  Yep, we are assigned our social worker now from the adoption agency, and her name is Kim. That means that our Home Study has officially begun!  Kim is the person that gives us the stamp of approval that we are fit to be parents ......if only everyone had to go thru this process, there would be a lot fewer unwanted babies in this world...but I digress.   The Home Study process takes approximately 3 months to complete. The Social Worker interviews us EXTENSIVELY both together and individually and then does a home inspection. She then completes a report that becomes our official O.K.into the Adoption world..basically, we can't do ANYTHING until we are Home Study approved.  After the Home Study is complete, our profile will begin to be shown to mothers and the wait begins.  Our first meeting with her is the afternoon of  Monday, Sept 7th.  The nerves have officially taken over.  Wish us luck!