Positive Adoption Language/Phrases

Matthew and I are hoping for a semi-open adoption. This means that we will have some contact with the biological mother of our child---and stay in contact with her hopefully forever.  This is a "new" concept for most people and quite scary to some as well.  However, it is so much more healthy for the child and the biological mother to have contact.  The identity crisis' are alleviated, the mother knows her baby is being taken care of, and we have a source when questions arise of health issues/etc.

Also a "new concept" is Adoption Language.  Simple words have a huge impact on the life of an adopted child---below is an excerpt from Adoptive Families Magazine that is simple variations of phrases we may not realize we say and how we say them and the impact they have ......so here is a lesson in Adoption Language ......

The way we talk—and the words we choose—say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.


Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents," society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren’t real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles."


Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.


Positive Language  VS  Negative Language


Birthparent .........................................Real parent
Biological parent ..................................Natural parent
Birth child ..........................................Own child
My child ............................................Adopted child; Own child
Born to unmarried parents .......................Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights .........................Give up
Make an adoption plan............................ Give away
To parent ...........................................To keep
Waiting child....................................... Adoptable child; available child
Biological or birthfather........................... Real father

Making contact with................................ Reunion
Parent ................................................Adoptive parent
Adoption triad....................................... Adoption triangle
Child placed for adoption .........................An unwanted child
Was adopted........................................ Is adopted